Dear Darby,

About a year ago I met a beautiful sexy and very shapely women, almost 20 years younger.

We live 1500 miles apart. I am free to travel, and she is flexable, so that works. Although the more time we spend together, the more difficuly it is for me to handle the seperation.

She is a she male, and one of the most beautiful persons I have ever met, I am straight, or was straight, but now I can only think about making love with her.

We has many friends and it appears to me that she is a support for more people than she thinks she is. She is in the entertainment business. Besides having a regular day time female job she is quite busy.

My problem or questions is: can love like we have, and it is strong for her, and for me stronger than I have ever had, work?

I am not a guy that is insecure, but she is so beautiful that we get looks every where we go. This has caused her to reject complements, even from me. So I try to show my love in other ways, like flowers cards, emails of love, and being as good to her. Now, for my question, have you known any relationship like ours?

I want to marry her someday and I think she feels the same way. But, can she cut back on entertaining and devote her self to a simpler life?

Larry In Love



Monday, July 14, 2003

Dear Larry In Love,

Thank-you for your letter. There are many challenges in your relationship. Rereading your letter to me may highlight these challenges that you should be able to discuss with your partner.

First, distance is a thorn to any relationship. It is not only costly, but adds questions to the others availability, integrity, and commitment to the relaltionship.

Second, any age difference of a span of 20 years may make or create "holes" in value systems, relationships, interests, friends, not to mention the impact of future issues that arise.

Is the difference in age, that one is 21 and the other 41? One is 31 and the other is 51? (If your lover is younger than 21, and you are 20 years older, you definitely should reconsider it!).

Thirdly, Do you think since you both commute, and the brief periods of time you are able to spend together, that you may be in love with love, or the excitement of the relationship? Why have you not discovered love closer to home?

Fourthly, If your partner is an entertainer with a creative lifestyle and extensive family of friends, will your partner be able to roll back the involvement to create a joint life with you?

Remember, you do not have control over your partner's professional, or personal commitments or lifestyle. Your partner needs to decide if his or her needs coincide with yours.

Lastly, is your love and commitment to your partner solid, no matter what sexual preference, or what your partner looks like? Think of your relationship 5 years from now, 10 years from now, and "when you both are old and grey".

If you both are absolute and unqualifiedly commited to each other, than start with an open relationship and put the chips on the table.

Although, if you have recently discovered your own sexualty, and you have doubts, I suggest you both take time to discover yourselves in your new waters of your relationship. See a counselor together, and build your bridge to the future.

And, to answer your question if I know any relationship similar to yours? No.

I know relationships that the partners have commuted for years. The relationships, gay or straight, are relationships where partners are no more than 5 years apart, have similar interests and backgrounds, strong bonds, trust, generosity, and, alot of laughter. All with a great degree of tolerance of loving, and loyal, friends.

Good luck to both of you, and keep me posted.

Princess Darby