I have been divorced for 2 years and started dating 4 months ago. I was introduced to a wonderful religious man who treats me like a queen. His wife left him three years ago and he is a full time father to his two daughters, ages 5 and 7.

My problem is my 13-year-old daughter. She recently has become rude to him and his family and acts put out when we are all together. We make plans to do things with all three children, and we try to do things we think they all will enjoy. My daughter has ruined every occasion we have planned in the past two months. We are not the types to leave our children home with sitters. We take them skating, movies and all sorts of other fun things.

Why is she behaving like this and how can I get her to stop?



Dear dating again,

Entering the dating scene after a new divorce with children is like working on the job after a takeover. The first task is to mend the fabric of the family. How is the bond with your 13 year old? What type of relationship do you have with your former spouse? What type of relationship does your daughter have with her other parent? Do you spend quality time together? All three of you.

Is your friend divorced and recovered from the previous marriage? How do his children relate to you and your daughter? What type of relationship does your daughter have with your friend and his children? Does the age differences of the children matter? Have you been dating, or just begun this journey?

Children aren't necessarily problems. They, as in life are challenges. There is a book titled, "The Challenge of Children". See if this still available. I would suggest that you discuss your feelings with your daughter. Although you are the parent and the adult, adults aren't necessarily always right.

There are so many elements that influence these situations. Does your daughter have hopes that her parents may get back together? Is she jealous of the time and attention you share with your friend and children? Are you rushing this relationship into a hopefully permanent situation?

To answer the questions why is she behaving like this, and what can you do to make her stop, are questions you will have to ask and work out with her. You know her usual behavior. If this is something new, then it may temporary. How are her grades in school, and her relationships with her teachers and friends?

Think about this. If she has been happy and healthy, then there are other reasons. Perhaps competition for your affections? You have only one daughter. Enjoy her,and guide her. Her experiences and memories will influence her future actions and decisions. You both are weaving the fabric of your futures.