My partner of almost 4 years broke up with me and decided to go back to men. I am taking it pretty hard and, I find myself crying all the time. It is hard for me to move on. I am looking for support group to help me occupy my time so that I can stop crying over her. Would you know of any resources that could help me.

Seeking a way to get my life back



August 12, 2002

Dear Seeking Strength,

The division of two people needs more than a support group to occupy time during this period of healing. Leaving any relationship is painful and difficult. Especially, if you are the one left behind. It is natural to go through a grieving period when we experience a loss.

A busy calendar will keep you occupied, but will not mend a broken heart or bruised ego. It’s healthy to recognize that we need help to work things out. If it’s possible, one of the first steps is to receive support and understanding through family and friends. There are other outlets for professional guidance.

Although I am able to offer you suggestions, I am not qualified in this field to advise you. My personal friends and I have sought professional referrals from doctors, or had healthy discussions with our parish priests or ministers.

There are many options to help you. There are religious organizations that have groups and outreach programs for spiritual growth. There is counseling available for relationship problems, depression, anxiety, and stress.

First, your doctor can refer you to a therapist or counselor. There are listings in Pink Pages, or try www.lesgaypinkpages.com. You may also see listings for a hot line for counseling. Kindered Hearts Women’s Center in Evanston has been know to offer women’s educational, social and discussion group programs. You may find listings of organizations on the ChicagoPride website-look under organizations.

In the interim, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and understanding. Do happy things, be with happy people, love yourself, and don’t think about this when you’re alone late evenings. It’s better to think about difficult things when it’s bright and sunny. Sometimes the warmth of the sun gives us a warm hug and things don’t seem as bad in the daylight.

Wishing you sunny days!

Princess Darby