There wasn’t a speck of body glitter to be found. Retail racks were bare of any feather boas and local supplies of foundation and razor blades were completely depleted. Yet Madame X was not on site at the Kit Kat Club. Even Ms. Foozie was a no show at any of her local haunts – and that’s just scary. The frantic community went a buzz, asking in a Paula Cole-like frenzy, “Where have all the drag queens gone?” Had the end of Dragtastic.com’s fabulous five year run sent them all on hiatus?

Even worse than the lack of lip-synching, without the tutelage of our dress-donning sisters, who was going to design my Halloween Parade costume? I thought it lucky that Micah McCain is in town through November 13th, whilst on tour for his one man show, Unshaved. After a 9-year stint as the West Hollywood icon, Bridgette of Madison County, Micah’s self written and directed show portrays the emergence of the man behind the makeup -- with a few musical numbers thrown in for fun. With a long list of film/TV and stylist credentials, surely Micah could offer a few tips on creating a flashy parade costume. But he refused.

“Sorry Man,” he said at the Reeling G&L Film Festival Opening Party, “I’m a recovering Drag-aholic.”

“Get back on the wagon!” I demanded, “JP needs to get dressed up!”

Vehement, he just said, “No,” taking a long drag off a cigarette and flipping his head off to the side in bitchy diva-like fashion. It was just so typical. You can take the boy out of drag, but you can’t take the sassy drag bitch out of the boy. After Chicago he returns to LA, pursuing more out-of-dress endeavors. Learn all about it at MicahMcCain.com.

Nonetheless, I still managed to put something together and, despite the rain, the parade went on without a hitch. However, the mystery of the missing drag queens still went unsolved.

“We had no choice but to have our production staff get up on stage,” said Hydrate marketing exec Robert Hoffman. With the nightclub’s featured diva Vanity Fair gone AWOL, the Hydrate bartenders, door men and tech guys were forced to grab a wig and go on in her place in a performance benefiting the 2006 Chicago Gay Games.

Yet as it turned out, the drag queens weren’t missing at all. They were at Sidetrack for the 13th annual Night of 100 Drag Queens benefit. “The female impersonation community apologizes for any misunderstanding,” said Circuit Mom in a press release distributed the following day. "Rest assured the drag queens are still here! However Equality Illinois is a great organization with a great cause. It’s something we all have a heartfelt duty to take part in. It is called Night of a 100 Drag Queens! Duh!" The two night event raised an estimated $20,000 for the LGBT equal rights organization.

With Madame X’s return to Kit Kat as the Supper Club’s featured lounge singer, and Ms. Foozie once again everywhere, things started falling back into place. Halsted bar attendants let out a late night sigh of relief. And we’re pretty sure it was just a sigh.

"Thank god things are back to normal," said Hydrate's Hoffman, "Chris [Eterno] looks hideous in drag."

View the photo spread!