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Paperback
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Gay Is Good. Gay and Single Used to Be, Too… "Being gay and single is the new smoking," playwright Paul Rudnick has said. "It won’t be socially acceptable anymore, and you will have to go outside." Rudnick’s hilarious formulation--which cuts right to the heart of the idea that being gay and single is emerging as a new sort of pariah status--is the starting point for this original, brave, and compellingly argued book.Journalist Steven Bereznai--presentable, accomplished, well educated, successful, and in his early 30s--has never had a boyfriend. "Is Singlesville my final destination?" Bereznai wonders. Or does a partner await? And what does he really want? To pair up, or to maintain the independence of a single life? Now in Gay and Single . . . Forever?, Bereznai investigates the basic question of whether there can be acceptance for him and other single gay men—as single men—where the push to partner with a man has replaced the pressure to marry a woman. Bringing together a perfect mix of personal narrative, historical research, interviews with dozens of gay men--including Andrew Holleran, Michael Bronski, and Wayson Choy--and intensely penetrating social and psychological insight, Gay and Single ...Forever ? will resonate deeply among gay men--many of whom, even today, spend most of their lives not in a relationship.
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| Vapid |
| Customer Rating: 2 out of 5 |
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To sum it up in one word: Vapid. Written by and about exactly the type of gay man(?) who makes me want to renounce my homosexualty. I am half way through this book and don't think I will be able to finish it. The meat of this book is a collection of woeful societial oppression collected & cited from other's works. It seems like a shallow circuit queen's way of excusing her own failure in the relationship arena.
I don't mean to seem bitter, but for around $10.85 Charlotte Kasl's "If the Buddha Dated" is a much better way to get in touch with yourself; Which seems to be the core message of this book.
Berenzai's book makes for the 11th thing I should know about being gay and single.
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| Not a practical book for the single guy |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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Sorry, this book wasn't for me. I gave it a chance, but its language just didn't reach out to me. But mostly, it just wasn't practical enough for me. There were interesting stories shared, like the one where the "friends with benefits" guy actually steps up and helps the author paint in a moment of crisis. Don't get me wrong, that was really sweet. There were a few moments like that.
But I'm newly single and trying to figure out how to date, and this didn't help me do that. I was looking for bulleted lists. Checklists. Nuts and bolts. Succinct and discrete steps. I didn't get that.
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| LOOKING FOR LOVE....or not |
| Customer Rating: 4 out of 5 |
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Bereznai, Steven, Gay and Single...Forever?: 10 Things Every Gay Guy Looking for Love (and Not Finding It) Needs to Know. Avalon 2006
Wow!!!!!!! That is a title for you. Here in this original, quite brave and easily arguable book comes a formula on what and what not to do about being single. The thesis concerns whether it is better to be single or not. It seems that since we became "liberated" after Sonewall, after the marches on Washington and after the multitude of changes in attitudes toward us, that gay men are opting to be, shall we say, unattached. Yet, on the other hand, there is a great deal being said about being partnered. Bereznai examines the issues of whether there is room for a single gay guy in today's modern society. He does this by interviews with gay men, through personal revelations and with detailed commentary based on both psychological and social thought. He wrote this book for us, and especially for the man who wants to stay single.
Berenzai starts off by telling us that the talk of gay marriage and being partnered, which has been such a hot topic of conversation, is "whimsy" as long as there are so many more important issues facing us. Yet essentially the struggle today is for equality--the enemy has not changed--it is still hate and fear. In other words, it is the same old war, just the battles are different.
This book is the result of a search for intimacy at a time when "gay singles are the new pariahs". (Interesting thought). Bereznai uses his own state of perpetual singledom as he sets out to explain his work. And what he has discovered while being single releases his thoughts about the needs of gay men and thereby gives a chronology of the shifting of relationships and how this has affected the cultural and political life of the entire gay community. His writing is heartfelt and witty at the same time. Although he writes from the heart, he doesn't ignore the mind or the other parts of the body. His remarks are "right on", sometimes so true that they hurt. This is a book for all those who live without love but want it very badly. There are times that I felt I was reading Carrie Bradshaw's column. One critic has called this book the "new gay bible". It certainly will help you understand why you never brought the lucky guy home to meet the folks.
Allow me to share some of the chapter titles with you. We start off with "Gay is good--being gay and single used to be, too". How about "Husbands and boyfriends don't guarantee happiness" and "Boyfriends can be like prostitutes---Prostitutes can be like boyfriends". And then there is my favorite, "Wanting to be with someone is natural....not wanting to stay with him is, too" Paul Rudnick, the gay playwright is quoted on the back cover, "Being gay and single is the new smoking. It won't be socially acceptable anymore, and you will have to go outside." That pretty well sums the book up.
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| Highly recommended |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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This book gave me a new perspective on life. Being gay and single most of my adult life I felt a sense of guilt when not in a relationship. Bereznai analyzes some of the reasons why westernized culture puts pressure on everyone, including gay men, to be a couple. His writing is both funny, intelligent and inspiring. I highly recommend this book to any gay man that is having guilt over not being in a relationship.
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| A book that tells it like it is. |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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When I first started reading 'Gay and Single....Forever?' I wanted others to read it. I then thought that my coupled friends wouldn't understand it so why tell them about it. When I finished it I wanted to give a copy to all my friends that are in a string of never ending long term relationships and say, "you want to know what it is like being me? - read this book!"
Steven Bereznai touched upon so many things that you don't talk about with your coupled friends so you think that you are the only one experiencing them. He has so many of the same memories and experiences that I myself have had, it was uncanny at times. I have read other books about Cultures of Desire and Male Couple guides, and many had some interesting points, but I related to this book from start to finish. It was very hard to put down.
As I began reading, I found there were many things I wanted to highlight, as I do when I am reading a book or article for work, but I felt that it would be absurd to use a yellow highlighter on a book I was reading for pleasure. I decided to just turn down the corner edge on a page where I read a phrase of interest. By the end, I had marked so many pages, because there was a phrase or paragraph that hit home, that half the corners of the book are now turned down.
There should be discussion groups set-up to discuss this book and I'd be the first to sign-up.
What a great read!
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