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Hardcover
Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books
Format: Bargain Price
A gay psychologist demonstrates how to heal the trauma of being a gay man in an uncompromisingly straight world Whether he is flamboyantly fashionable with a body chiseled to perfection or chronically dissatisfied and without lasting relationships, the stereotypical extremes of male gay behavior are fueled by the same dark force: shame. The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight man's world, the experience of shame in childhood and adolescence sends a boy the message that he is other and that he is worthless. To avoid feeling shameful later in life-and even after he is no longer explicitly shamed by his sexuality-a gay man will quietly rage against the memory of this message and strive to excel dramatically to prove it wrong. The stereotypical manifestation of this inner battle is a gay man's success in the arts, fashion and in his body image; as with all the other forms of beauty, creativity and success, he is hiding behind the facades he creates. Building on the collected psychological research and the author's own experience of the past twenty years, The Velvet Rage will help gay men profoundly understand their dichotomous extremes. Explaining the psychological underpinnings of the forces at play in their lives, it also offers helpful strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and rage. Empowering and validating, The Velvet Rage will influence the public discourse on gay culture and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.
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| Great book! |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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This is the first book which dedicates its entire thesis to the concept around the trauma of growing up gay and it is very well done.
Before healing can truly be complete for gay men and lesbians to fully experience the benefits of deprogramming ourselves from the heterosexist mindset that we are damaged goods, we must accept the trauma which exists from being told repeatedly we are damaged goods.
Great book!
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| A Life-Changing Book! |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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This book was suggested to me by my therapist. I found the insights and experiences it shares cut right to the truth of my own life. The book's impact on me was so profound, I immediately bought copies for my closest friends. I've now given the book as a gift at least two-dozen times, and many of my friends have done the same with their friends - all of them feeling the same powerful response that I felt. Some of us have even re-read the book in "book club-style" discussion groups.
When I give the book as a gift, I always warn that the first half can be somewhat painful and depressing - dredging up all the crap of coming to terms with sexuality. But, as you read, the second half is truly awesome with the power to enlighten and transform your life.
I'm SO thankful this book exists. Drawing on years of real-world therapy work with other gay men, this book helped me understand myself in ways I thought no one else could relate. Reading it was a gift - and a seriously spiritual experience. Anyone who grew up gay deserves the gift of understanding and affirmation that The Velvet Rage offers.
I've never met him, but thank you Alan Downs for the gift you've given all of us!
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| Understanding Internalized Homophobia |
| Customer Rating: 4 out of 5 |
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This book is an excellent exploration of internalized homophobia, and specifically targets white gay men. There are a number of consequences that come with being gay- not only external threats like the threat of violence, the reaction of one's family, being out in the world, and other considerations, but the way we perceive ourselves and our own sexuality. There are a number of harmful patterns that get played out in queer communities, but we often don't discuss them as being directly linked to oppression. We often view them as our own failures/inadequacies. This book is an excellent method of explaining and pointing out common patterns and experiences of white gay men. If you are a gay man of color, this book is still useful, though written from a culturally white point of view. I am a queer woman of color, and still found it to be helpful and informative.
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| Alan Downs did us all a favor |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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I was drawn to the book in the first chapter, and could not put it down. For the most part I recieved confirmation of my own point of view, as I started feeling like an outsider at age 40. Gay men over forty seem to have abondoned the arts for the disco, and still want to date 20 year olds and party cycle continues. Alan downs, put in to words a simle evaluation of where we are today and where we could be if we grow up. Thanks.
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| Some Truths, Mostly Superficial |
| Customer Rating: 2 out of 5 |
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If you experienced the gay lifesyle as a skinny twink, enjoying the night life, drugs, alcohol and circut parties - this is for you. For the rest of us, it is very superficial and barely touches the reality or complexities of deep gay relationships. It also does not address bi lives or any real help to analyze heterosexual activity of men who may identify as gay or bi. In all, it's an interesting read but too superficial to make a real difference in building and maintaining a strong relationship.
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